We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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