She went from zero to smokin in five shots
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
