Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
