Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
