she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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