All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
