I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
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Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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