woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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