I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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