Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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