i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
