I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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