goodnight i made you a song goodbye
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
