im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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