she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
