How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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