Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
