just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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