My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
