I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you will always have a special place in my vag
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
