Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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