the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
