Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
