I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
