Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
