I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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