What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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