My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
