i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
