guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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