I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
