2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
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