sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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