Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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