i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
