Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
