it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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