i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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