After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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