I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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