Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
