I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
