I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Your dad touched me again.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
