i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
