I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
