I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
