You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
