It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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