I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
