Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
