don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
