you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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