How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
