whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
