i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
