my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
In America we eat man semen.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
