I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
