one two three fourrrrnication!
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
