I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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