Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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