did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
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Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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