I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
