Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
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Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
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He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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